Legend. Myth. History. Fiction. Rumor. Religion. There are, indeed, countless ways to categorize the stories of our world. A great man once said, "You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view." So, how can we find truth? We must go to the source, and in the case of Pirate Day (celebrated annually on the 21st of January), I am the source.
However, like all stories, the story of Pirate Day begins much earlier than the day itself. The journey may have started nearly 20 years ago, when we received Lego set #6260, and I first wanted my own pet monkey. It may have been my early obsession with the figure on the helmet of the Oakland Raiders, (a period which will forever torment this Jets fan.) It may even have continued with the Jolly Roger, purchased from a street vendor outside Spokane, WA, which flew on my bedroom wall throughout high school and college, and then with the green bandana from Virginia and the black eye patch from the Smith's Food King Pharmacy in Twin Falls, Idaho. It was declared that one could choose to dress as a pirate any Tuesday, and said Tuesday would be deemed "Pirate Day", the sole requirement being that the inevitable question, "Why are you dressed like a pirate?" could only ever be acknowledged with a resounding "Arrghh!" or some other form of piracy. Which leads us to where history and legend unite...
On that fateful Tuesday morning, January 21st, 1997, I, a young college freshman, awoke and dressed in my pirate finery. Alas, I had no parrot or monkey, but my friend, the beaver, sat upon my noble shoulder for the day's festivities. The mountain air was crisp and cool, yet cut-off jeans, a puffy pirate shirt, and flip-flop sandals were the uniform chosen (in addition to the aforementioned bandana and eye patch.)
At this time it should be noted, that, unless medically necessary, eye patches should be generally avoided, as they greatly impair depth perception, driving judgement, and socially acceptable fashion sense. Pirate Day shall always be the one great exception.
Nary a word escaped my lips throughout that glorious day, save it be "Arrgggh!", "Ahoy!", or a well placed "Shiver Me Timbers!" (which suited the occasion, for I most definitely should have added some long-johns to the day's uniform.) My Career Counselor asked me if I would like to explain my festive appearance to our class, which I did thusly..."I am 6 feet tall, 160 pounds. I have red hair, green eyes, pale skin, and freckles."
After class, I dined at the Taco Bell, and rolled 2 games at the local bowling alley, although I freely admit, I removed the eye patch for bowling, and was rewarded with a respectable 183, 195. In the black of night, I trudged back to my domicile, where I received the most grievous e-mail, which marked the beginning of the end for my current relationship, and, likewise marked the beginning of the end for any girl who dared remain in my life through the holidays. A few days later, my girlfriend and I parted ways, and for many months, I referred to the events of that horrible Tuesday evening as "Black Tuesday" (in hindsight, it seems silly to compare the love life of an 18-year-old boy to the Wall Street Crash of 1929, but it was a great label at the time.)
The following year, while living in Germany, I celebrated the 1 year anniversary of that day, by reading a letter from a friend, announcing her engagement, and writing a letter to a prospective girlfriend, ending all future correspondence, naturally while sporting my eye patch and bandana, and painting a skull and crossbones with white-out on a $2 necktie. I realized, while retelling this story to friends, that January 21st was to be the "Pirate Day" of all "Pirate Days". Nothing could be greater than a day devoted to freedom, piracy, and good-natured (well, in my opinion) fun. I issued a decree, and over the years, pirates have rejoiced internationally.
Let me say, the hardest day of my life may have been January 21st, 2001, as I was engaged to be married, and had to sequester myself indoors with a vast quantity of Mountain Dew, Yellow Zingers, Red Vines, and the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, avoiding Capt. XX whenever possible, knowing full well, that my engagement may not survive the day. My girl, however, understood the situation, and being the first girl to ever understand and accept Pirate Day, never really had anything to fear.
I would encourage people everywhere to remember this great day both for what it once was, and what it can become. Happy Pirate Day! (It should be noted that only Pirate Day and Christmas should be saluted with the "Happy" greeting...all other, or shall I say "lesser" holidays should be preceded by "Merry", ie. "Merry Birthday!".)
Appropriate Pirate Day Activities - Pillage, Plunder, Break up with a girl/boyfriend (It has happened on at least 2 occasions, where someone has waited days or even weeks to break up on the 21st in order to celebrate Pirate Day by following this, the greatest of all Pirate traditions), Bowling, Guitar Hero, Legos, Sail any/all of the 7 seas, Drive any/all of the US Highways, Tell a joke about Naval Seamen, (I was laughing so hard at that one, that I had to take a break and eat some Pirate Day Cake), and speaking of Cake...check out their latest album here, Mourn the anniversary of the execution of Louis the XVI while Celebrating the birthday of Jack Nicklaus or vice/versa, Do as little work as possible without getting fired or forced to walk the plank, and last, but most important of all... Dress in your Pirate Finery and say "Argghh!!!!!"
