1 - Choosing the Right Hot Tub.

Hot tubs are generally awesome. Some hot tubs, however, are far superior to others. How do you find the best one, and what is the best way to use it? After vast research and experimentation, here is the boys' awesome method. (Often, Capt. XX and Mr. P shall be referred to simply as "the boys"...there's less punctuation and capitalization and thus easier to type.)

Step 1 - Finding the Right Hot Tub - Ideally, a hot tub should be round. Square hot tubs have corners which make proper hot-tubbing much more difficult. Water flow should be constant and uni-directional (counter-clockwise is preferred). Water temperature is less important than water circulation, however logic demands that the water in a hot tub should not be cold. Size definitely matters. A decent tub for 2 should be no smaller than 8 ft in diameter. An international hot tub should still be no smaller than 8 ft in diameter, because, after all, the metric system just isn't very awesome. The size of the hot tub (diameter of the circle) should be directly proportional to the number of hot-tubbers (X). The equation follows:

D_{hot tub}= 4Xft, where X>2, because hot-tubbing alone is not awesome!

Step 2 - Prepare to Hot-Tub - Hot-tubbing is best when performed before lunch, which typically takes place some time before 3:30 pm. All participants should acquire the proper attire - sunglasses, sunscreen, and swim trunks* - and equipment - flotation mat (Styrofoam works best) and cold beverage*. *optional, but highly recommended

Step 3 - Proper Form - All participants shall don sunglasses and swim trunks (unless a prior mutual decision has been reached), apply sunscreen, and then, using the flotation mat, lie on their backs and enjoy the circular movement and a cold beverage. Although minimal conversation is allowed, it is strongly discouraged. The event should continue until lunchtime or other important engagements begin. (A list of acceptable engagements will be provided at a later date.)

Introduction

Capt. XX and Mr. P are not fictional characters, but those aren't their real names. They live on planet Earth, just like almost everyone else, but they do so awesomely. Those of you who may not believe that "awesomely" is an adequate and/or correct modifier for the verb "live" should not continue to read this. Go elsewhere. "Awesome" is a word that will be used in every form and at all times to describe the life which can be enjoyed by incorporating these tips and tricks to living, which they have painstakingly gathered throughout the years. This information will not be presented in any logical order, although it will be numbered for quick and easy reference. GALA!