5. Getting Old

I know there are a bunch of people out there who are reaching that point in life (depends on the person, but usually it is what we refer to as the mid-to-late-twenties) where you just want to end it all. But at least most of you still have dreams and ambitions, so you want to come up with a really creative way to end it. I've decided it is time we ditch the whole conventional age thing, as it causes nothing but trouble (especially if you've ever tried to plan/throw a birthday party for an adult... and if you don't know what I mean, type in "adult birthday decorations" in your internet search engine of choice, and see if you can find a decent centerpiece that won't embarrass your wife in front of her church friends).
There were a bunch of ways to resolve this issue. I thought about going back to the lunar cycle, but I've been reading a lot of fantasy novels lately, and it seems they only ever use that natural phenomenon when alluding to something that I just don't want to think about all the time.
The next option was to count the calendar months, but I always hate it when people say how old their kids are using months. (I don't care if your kid is 13 1/2 months old...if i really wanted to know his birthday, I would have asked for it. I was just making small talk while thinking that your baby looks exactly like my 60 year old neighbor.)
So from now on, I'm going back to the way things were meant to be... Today I am 10825 days old. This makes things so much easier. I'm going to go get one of those clicker things, and spend the next few hours catching up, and then every morning when I beat the odds and wake up(and if you think about it, every night when you go to sleep, you have at best a 50/50 shot at living through the night) I'll click off another day.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'll still commemorate my birthday, but only because it will probably take a few more "years" before my system kicks in and everyone has abandoned this antique method of keeping time. Seriously, we live in a time where we get upset if the guy if front of us at the drive-thru has to repeat his order...why do we have to wait a whole year just to say I'm a little bit older, when you do, in fact, get older every second (but come on, I'm pretty sure there isn't a digit counter on the planet that can keep track of the seconds of my life, not to mention how incredibly un-awesome I would look walking around the mall in sweat pants and flip-flops, constantly clicking off the seconds, yelling out "I'm getting older" or "one second closer to the end").
*Some of you may need me to explain that the "un-awesome" part of the previous scenario (pronounced suh-narry-oh) was not the walking around in sweats and flip-flops - which is one of the awesomest things ever!
So that's it! Live each day like it should be lived. And for the record, day #10837 is going to be as good as any birthday.